Let’s start near the beginning

I don’t think anyone can truly be prepared to work in the psychiatric setting. Sure, we have seen movies like One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest or Girl, Interrupted, read books about it, or even pursued a degree in it.. But it’s different. You get desensitized over time of course and learn to navigate around all the “crazy”, yet there are still things I read or experienced that I do not know how to fully process.

I was 25 when I started. I’ve always struggled with my mental health, so I assumed that I would be working with kids that were like I was at that age. Shiiiiiiit, was I wrong. I could not even have imagined the things most of those kids had been through. There was a darkness in the world that I had no idea existed. I knew people were capable of horrendous things but many of them had been living fucking nightmares.

We all walk around carrying different types of traumas that the world cannot see. Being in the hospital setting, I add access to extensive background on these kids. I’m talking full family histories, psych evals, education evals, pretty much a comprehensive folder of the most personal details of these young humans’ lives. Things that they were terrified of someone else knowing, for a lot of them, I knew parts of their deepest, darkest secrets… their most traumatizing moments… their deepest fears.

I suppose in the beginning I was intrigued by these *gasp* worthy stories. I was fascinated by their backgrounds and hearing stories from my new coworkers. I was truly excited to work there and help those kids. And man, it sure gave me a ton to talk about.. Everyone, even you, wants to hear a crazy story. Amirite?

I wasn’t sure what I expected, but my first day walking into a classroom, it appeared like any other classroom.. except less kids and a few more adults. Considering the things I had read on some of them already, I thought I’d see… well, I’m honestly not sure what I necessarily “expected”, but I didn’t expect them to be inviting and kind to me. And they were. They were just kids.

Now, I can’t pretend this “honeymoon period” where alllll the children were sweet and on their best behavior lasted more than a day. Come day two, they didn’t care about the new staff member and went back to “doing what they do”. The children were divided into different dorms, older adolescent females, younger adolescent males, children dorm, etc. So time comes for the older adolescent boys.. there were maybe 10 of them, so 10 kids and three additional staff members. The tension was high as soon as they walked in, but being new, I was not “hip” to what was building. One staff member steps out to use the restroom, while another staff member takes a resident to see the doctor. I learned quick this shouldn’t have ever happened because it put us out of ratio, but shit happens.

So now it’s nine kids, and two adults. Me, new as fuck.. LITERALLY my second day, and a veteran staff member. This lady though, she had to be pushing 65. All I see is one kid jump up and onto the desk of another kid and he starts punching him in the face. But the fucked part of it is kid who is doing the punching… full cast. This kid had broken his wrist punching a wall a few weeks back so not only is he landing punch after punch, but he is fucking this kid’s face up. I full on freeze while the other kids run out and yell for male staff. The whole thing lasted maybe forty seconds, but what the whole fuck? Next it’s everyone yelling and staff restraining one kid while they try to evaluate the other kid. The other kid.. he ate a lot of punches and he had blood all over the front of him. All the kids are taken back to their dorms and I’m left in the room to idk.. chill?

A few coworkers came in to make sure I was good but there was little to no concern being expressed by anyone. And there I was freaked the fuck out cause I had never seen anything like that in my life. And then no one around me even batted an eye. I knew it could get wild, but damn. I almost quit right there after attempting to clean up the blood. But I didn’t, and now that event seems so minor in comparison.